Restoring Our Humanity

Recently I've had the pleasure of talking with a number of people involved with public education in different capacities. There have been some interesting convergences in those conversations and in my thinking about education, the range of issues our schools face, how we treat each other, and the political climate in which we are currently living. At this time the government is shut down and we have a humanitarian crisis at our southern border. I shared my feelings on that issue in this blog post. Closer to home, children in area schools are homeless. The fact that they even get to school when their families are living in chaos is a miracle. And once they are there, what is their experience (and how are the students and teachers around them impacted) when they bring that chaos with them? I believe that the most crucial component of education is relationships, a topic we've written quite a bit about on this blog. How do we create positive relationships and strong communities when faced with such difficult realities?

What if we framed our expectations about school, and about our shared humanity, in the following way:

• Everyone in the community is valued
• We are all connected
• We all have talents and gifts that we bring to the community
• It takes time, habits, and support to build and maintain positive relationships

The above points describe Restorative Practices taking place in twelve St. Paul Public Schools. Last week I had the pleasure of learning more from Becky McCammon, the district's Restorative Practices Program Coordinator. After our conversation, I happened to talk with a friend who volunteers in a pre-K classroom at one of those schools. The story she shared with me illustrates how powerfully this framework can address the needs of children and adults in a school and in our wider shared communities. Here is the story that was shared with me, as I understand it. The children's names have been changed for privacy:

Sam is a four-year-old child who is larger than other children his age. His interactions with other students can be physical and seem aggressive. On the day my friend was volunteering, Sam pushed Joe out of his way because Joe had approached and touched him with wet hands. Joe began to cry. A classroom aide saw the incident and asked Sam, who was watching Joe, if there was anything he wanted to say. Sam thought a moment and then said, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't like being wet. Will you please go dry your hands?" Joe accepted the apology, dried his hands, and the children were both satisfied and went on with their day.

This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Joe's feelings were hurt but he accepted Sam's apology. In another time and place four-year-old Sam could become the one who spends more time in the principal's office than the classroom. He could be the one other kids avoid, the one whose interactions with others become more negative over time, the one whose experiences in school (and in life) become punitive rather than transformative. Instead, Sam's school community has decided to do the hard work that comes with recognizing and repairing harm in ways that teach children to take responsibility, and to support them through nurturing relationships. When children "misbehave" our instinct may be to punish, to give time-outs, to remove them from the situation. But that's when they need us the most. As teachers, as parents, our job is to give them the tools to contribute in positive ways to their community, not remove them from it.

Learning about Restorative Practices gives me hope that even when we are confronted with incredibly difficult issues in our schools, we have the tools to make profound changes for children, to set them on a trajectory for success in their lives. Considering how interconnected we all are and how we truly have the same basics needs, the principles behind this framework may just be what we need to begin seeing each other as not so different and treating each other accordingly.

-Dani